zippers are such a cool invention
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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