I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
