btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
