I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
