he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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