So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
