know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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