Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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