You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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