Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
