there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They have beer where we have blood.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
