She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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