I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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