im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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