And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
