its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
