4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
