New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
