I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
