Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
