if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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