You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
