Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
