Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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