Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
