Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
