I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
