why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize