i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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