you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
