first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize