I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my liver is dry heaving
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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