I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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