yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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