One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
