You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
