We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
