He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
