Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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