his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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