I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
