I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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