I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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