I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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