dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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