i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
