i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im holly from the hills drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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