I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
