she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
