in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
