I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
