yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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