This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
