RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
