Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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