hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
