im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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