I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
