Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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