Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
