i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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