Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
