we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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