haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
