Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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