I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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