im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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