Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize