She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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