Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
