her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
