dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
