I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
