God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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