Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
