I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize